WAITING FOR ANGELINA JOLIE

Theater of the absurd

Josef  Maria Mayer


ACT I

(South of France. The two fools of the Comédie francais occur, Pierrot and Arlequin. Hold each a bottle of wine in their hand and look more like tramps as comedians of the Sun King.)

PIERROT
Oh, look once this heavenly beauty!
ARLEQUIN
You'll never see it!
PIERROT
Why not? She ist my hope!
ARLEQUIN
You're a drunkard and She is a Goddess!
PIERROT
A Goddess!
ARLEQUIN
Oui, mon ami, une déesse de beauté!
PIERROT
But I can still dream about her!
ARLEQUIN
The whole life is a dream -
PIERROT
Or a shadow-play -
ARLEQUIN
Or a tragicomic theater -
PIERROT
Or a bubble -
ARLEQUIN
Or the veil of Maya.
PIERROT
What is the reality, if the dream is so beautiful? I hate reality!
ARLEQUIN
The reality is a veiled thought of God.
PIERROT
The dream is the unveiled Godhead!
ARLEQUIN
Do not dream your life, live your dreams!
PIERROT
But the unrequited love is the deepest love!
ARLEQUIN
But you didn’t love Angelina Jolie, you know you didn’t!
PIERROT
Ah, marriage is boring. No, I'm in love with her!
ARLEQUIN
Why?
PIERROT
Because She so beautiful!
ARLEQUIN
But she can’t do anything.
PIERROT
No, the Creator himself has sculpted this Venus.
ARLEQUIN
You and your eternal Venus!
PIERROT
Yes, Venus is just the woman of the man.
ARLEQUIN
Venus is just a hot planet, hotter than the Sahara Desert.
PIERROT
One day I'll live on Venus ...
ARLEQUIN
But take a protective suit against searing heat.
PIERROT
The Realm of Venus is the third heaven.
ARLEQUIN
How many heavens are there? Three or seven or nine or thirty-three?
PIERROT
Nine, the lunar sky, the Martian sky, the Mercury sky, Jupiter's heaven, the heaven of Venus, the Saturn Sky and the Sun sky, the Heaven of stars and the empyrean. The Venus heaven is heaven for lovers.
ARLEQUIN
Is this the third heaven, where Paul was?
PIERROT
Yes, and then he sang the praises of God's Agape.

ARLEQUIN
That does not sound Agapé, but Agapae.
PIERROT
I was once on the Olymp...
ARLEQUIN
I went by bus to Mount Olympus, there was a road, and trees, and snow, it went up and down again, and then I could say, I too was on the Olympus!
PIERROT
But I was on the Olympus and saw a cloud, the naked goddess Venus!
ARLEQUIN
How did she look?
PIERROT
Like Brigitte Bardot.
ARLEQUIN
BB? Not MM?
PIERROT
MM? Who is that? Magna Mater, or Mary Magdalene?
ARLEQUIN
MM is Marilyn Monroe.
PIERROT
Ah, those Venus, Ernesto Cardenal sang the anthem.
ARLEQUIN
And so you have looked into the neckline of Venus?
PIERROT
She had bare breasts! She showed me her bare breasts and said: And what is that?
ARLEQUIN
Yes, what is it? Man hu!
PIERROT
She had a Miraculous Medal of the Immaculate Conception between her breasts.
ARLEQUIN
Ah, the goddess Venus is a Catholic?
PIERROT
It must be so. In heaven there are no religions, denominations and sects anymore.
ARLEQUIN
One God, one empire, one faith?
PIERROT
Yes, the unity in diversity.
ARLEQUIN
And above all sits Apollo, le Roi du Soleil?
PIERROT
Le petit Roi est mort! Viva agnus dei!
ARLEQUIN
Then we take a sip of wine...

(They drink.)

ARLEQUIN
But your Venus Angelina Jolie will not be jealous if you BB and MM even praise?
PIERROT
Every age has its Venus.
ARLEQUIN
Ah, I see, in the age of the fish was Mary Magdalene Venus and in the Age of Aquarius is Angelina Jolie the Venus?
PIERROT
I've seen all the Muses and Graces, Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer and Laetitia Casta. But alone Angelina Jolie is more blessed than any other nymph!
ARLEQUIN
The Blessed among women?
PIERROT
The kecharitomene!
ARLEQUIN
What is it: kecharitomene?
PIERROT
Ke-chari-tomene: Full of grace!
ARLEQUIN
What exactly is grace?
PIERROT
Grace is Charis, the charm belt of Venus! Grace is beauty! Beauty is grace!
ARLEQUIN
And then what does kecharitomene?
PIERROT
The Angel greeted the Virgin: You are full of grace - or: You are full of charm!
ARLEQUIN
Aha, so the angel said: Hello, beautiful woman?
PIERROT
Yes: Hello, beautiful woman, you are the most beautiful of all the women!
ARLEQUIN
And that is Angelina Jolie?
PIERROT
Nomen est omen.
ARLEQUIN
Name of superstition! What do you mean: Angelina Jolie?
PIERROT
Angelina Jolie is called Angel and pretty and cute.
ARLEQUIN
A handsome angel?
PIERROT
An angel of beauty!
ARLEQUIN
Angels are messengers of God.
PIERROT
Powers, principalities, and hosts! A special angel is the angel of divine beauty!
ARLEQUIN
What's his name?
PIERROT
I do not know, maybe Angelina Jolie?
ARLEQUIN
You can’t get away, but love the reality of angels.
PIERROT
But I'd rather live with the angels together than with human beasts!
ARLEQUIN
The reality, the reality!
PIERROT
It is stupid and ugly and cruel!
ARLEQUIN
But it has one advantage: Only reality is reality.
PIERROT
How I hate the word: reality! Even child murder in the womb is a reality! I love the vision alone!
ARLEQUIN
And Angelina Jolie appeared to you in a vision?
PIERROT
Yes, I saw an illustrious magazines with pictures of women, and suddenly I saw Angelina Jolie - ah, it left me speechless!
ARLEQUIN
Toi, l'enfant de la parole, you was speechless?
PIERROT
A vision of God can only be silent and mystical.
ARLEQUIN
What did you noticed first?
PIERROT
La bouche!
ARLEQUIN
La bouche?
PIERROT
Yes, I saw the sky hovering a heavenly red mouth!
ARLEQUIN
Du you know, what does the mouth?
PIERROT
As an archetype?
ARLEQUIN
In the grotesque.
PIERROT
What's the grotesque mouth?
ARLEQUIN
The mouth of a woman - the nose of the man ...
PIERROT
Aha ...
ARLEQUIN
All your mystical visions are nothing but mental sex.
PIERROT
Mental sex? But the nightingale sings just as beautiful because of sublimated sexual lust.
ARLEQUIN
What is sublimation? That surely volatilization of water in gas.
PIERROT
That is spirituality. Who testifies no children, writes books.
ARLEQUIN
Aha, all art is spiritual sex.
PIERROT
Sex is such a short word, is only for those who are quick to make. For connoisseurs and true lovers says sexuality.
ARLEQUIN
Angelina has something to do with sexuality?
PIERROT
Is there anyone who has ever had sex with an angel?
ARLEQUIN
Yes, the witches in the dark middle ages had sex with an Incubus.
PIERROT
Merlin had sex with a female succubus.
ARLEQUIN
They're demons.
PIERROT
Yes, I know the demon of Luxuria, Ashtaroth, and the demon of fornication, Ashmodai.
ARLEQUIN
Angelina Jolie is a good or a bad angel?
PIERROT
O Jesus, Mary, no, Angelina Jolie is an angel of the heavenly Mother Charity!
ARLEQUIN
You know not the point.
PIERROT
I studied her horoscope.
ARLEQUIN
All superstition, occultism, Satanism.
PIERROT
The angel-like Thomas with the big belly said, the stars have an influence on the natural imprint of the heart, but the will of the human spirit is free.
ARLEQUIN
What says the horoscope, which created the three Magi from the East?
PIERROT
She has Venus in the ascendant as cancer.
ARLEQUIN
Oh lala, Venus in Cancer!
PIERROT
Yes, yes, the Venus! In the horoscope of a man, Venus is the woman of the man.
ARLEQUIN
So it is Venus as your dream girl, this actress celestial and angélique?
PIERROT
She was born in the year of the rabbit, at the hour of the snake.
ARLEQUIN
So what?
PIERROT
And I was born in the year of the snake, in the hour of the rabbit.
ARLEQUIN
So you are another rabbit and snake?
PIERROT
Yes, we belong together like yin and yang.
ARLEQUIN
There you are sure it is Yin and Yang.
PIERROT
Venus is the eternal Yin, the Eternal Feminine, that leads us to heaven!
ARLEQUIN
Yes, yes, and forever God Created Woman ...
PIERROT
The woman! There is a divine wife in God's revelation, which I adore in every woman.
ARLEQUIN
What is a godly woman?
PIERROT
The W O M A N!
ARLEQUIN
What woman?
PIERROT
The Eternal Woman!
ARLEQUIN
And this certain lady is Angelina Jolie?
PIERROT
Angelina Jolie is the shadow, the archetype is the eternal woman.
ARLEQUIN
Aha, platonic love!
PIERROT
Let's not philosophize, which distributes the poetry. Let us rather drink!
ARLEQUIN
Wine and women deceive the wise men.
PIERROT
Yes, and the gates of a lot more.
ARLEQUIN
Who loves not wine, women and song, remains a fool his whole life long.
PIERROT
Bordeaux, and Angelina Jolie, and the fervent longing of the nightingale!



ACT II

(In Paris, the capital of love, more specifically, in the Rue du Bac, underline around Pierrot and Arlequin like tramps, unconcerned by the hustle and bustle of the world.)

PIERROT
O Paris, city of love!
ARLEQUIN
All the lost souls here, all looking for nothing but for love and do not know where to find it!
PIERROT
Paris, you are my whore, you are my angel!
ARLEQUIN
If I were to marry again, so I made my honeymoon in Paris.
PIERROT
Not in Venice? I know a woman who wants to marry in a red dress in Venice.
ARLEQUIN
I want to spend the honeymoon in the city of love.
PIERROT
They all say, Paris does not know true love, only fleeting pleasure.
ARLEQUIN
Oh, every heart wanders through Paris in search of love.
PIERROT
How to find a mother ...
ARLEQUIN
I knew a little girl, her father was a revolutionary and left her alone in Paris, because he had to organize the world revolution. She wandered helplessly through Paris in search of unconditional love that is loyal and affectionate as a father and a mother.
PIERROT
And did she found love?
ARLEQUIN
Yes, in the hour of her death!
PIERROT
This is bitter! In her life, she couldn’t find love?
ARLEQUIN
Her hour of death was her marriage with the Mercyful Jesus.
PIERROT
And how did she live on earth without love?
ARLEQUIN
As Mary Magdalene she wandered from pleasure to pleasure, and could not find love.
PIERROT
How did she find in the hour of death Love?
ARLEQUIN
By the mercy of God!
PIERROT
She doesn’t deserve this love, then?
ARLEQUIN
No. The charity was simply ready for the dying woman.
PIERROT
Oh Mercy! O wretchedness! O Les Misérables!
ARLEQUIN
As sie kissed the heavenly bread with her full sinful lips ...
PIERROT
And so she died?
ARLEQUIN
Yes, in the Hotel de Dieu!
PIERROT
The Hotel de Dieu is in Allemagne La Charité!
ARLEQUIN
The divine charity!
PIERROT
And where is she now?
ARLEQUIN
In the womb Charity! She has become an angel of charity!
PIERROT
Ah, now I remember, what I have been dreaming this night. I dreamed of a mighty angel of beauty, a powerful female angel, essence of beauty! Angélique!
ARLEQUIN
Angelina Jolie? What did you dream about Angelina Jolie?
PIERROT
My heart burned with love for Angelina Jolie and I said to my God: Mon Dieu, I devour with longing for love!
ARLEQUIN
Do you see? In Paris, the capital city of love, we all are looking for love.
PIERROT
I'm a pilgrim for your love!
ARLEQUIN
You will wait in vain for the eternal love of the beautiful Angelina Jolie!
PIERROT
I do love, I'm on fire - that's enough.
ARLEQUIN
You kindled a dream.
PIERROT
Yes, you will never see the kingdom of beauty, if for you the dream of it is not enough.
ARLEQUIN
Isn’t it in vain? Vanitas Vanitatem! Only to flare up into a beautiful face and knowing from the heart of the lady, she loves the Nothingness!
PIERROT
Oh, I know her heart! She is my soul sister, yes, my soul twin, parallel to my soul!
ARLEQUIN
Aha?
PIERROT
Restless, she was in her youth.
ARLEQUIN
Our heart is restless, until it rests in God.
PIERROT
When will that be? Ah, my heart is restless!
ARLEQUIN
And will soon rest in God.
PIERROT
And my beloved Angelina Jolie also, like me. Through the dark night of the soul!
ARLEQUIN
Her soul was wearing black?
PIERROT
She struggled with the rats and the poisonous snakes, she wrestled with the She-Devil Lilith, the mother of vampires!
ARLEQUIN
It is thus a New Eve?
PIERROT
Yes, and as the New Eve and my secret love she is a pleasure and a garden paradise!
ARLEQUIN
Angelina Jolie is therefore a universal pleasure and a garden paradise?
PIERROT
Yes, the sweet cherry of Europe bless her mouth! The sweet peaches of Asia bless her cheeks! The sweet pomegranates, her breasts, bless America! The sweet fig of her womb bless Africa!
ARLEQUIN
Asia, o my mother! O acres of paradise!
PIERROT
She is a heavenly Mother of youthful beauty and angelic charm that saves all the orphans of all mankind!
ARLEQUIN
How so?
PIERROT
She, the mother of orphans, the angelic mother of all the children, she adopted children from Europe, Africa, America and Asia. She is the adoptive mother of all the orphans! She is the consoler of all the afflicted! She has retreated all exiles, all exiles! She is our heavenly asylum! She is the divine patroness of all refugees, scorned by all the world! She is the heavenly patroness, the Divine Mother!
ARLEQUIN
She is such a loving mother, such a sweet loving mother?
PIERROT
Our Delicious Mother! So called her South America. Our Sweet Bride! So called her Europe.
ARLEQUIN
O so white, o so soft, o so sweet is Shee!
PIERROT
But with all the heavenly tenderness and sweetness angelical is not her soul pampered, she is no pampered daughter, but a she-fighter!
ARLEQUIN
For what fights the she-fighter Angelina Jolie?
PIERROT
She's a she-fighter for the human dignity of all people, she's a she-fighter for a culture of love!
ARLEQUIN
What are her weapons?
PIERROT
Her most dangerous weapons are her divine beauty and the blazing fire of her divine passion!
ARLEQUIN
With the weapons of her beauty she will save the world?
PIERROT
She has received the mission from the Holy Father. The Holy Father said to her in St. Peter: Only Beauty can save the world!
ARLEQUIN
And does the world know that? What does the world say?
PIERROT
Alas, the world, the world!
ARLEQUIN
Yes, the world, she wants to save the world through divine beauty?
PIERROT
I heard screaming souls: the divine beauty and loving mother Angelina Jolie is trusted to save humanity!
ARLEQUIN
So is her name: Savior?
PIERROT
She is the salvatrix mundi!
ARLEQUIN
Not Jesus Christ is the only Savior of the world?
PIERROT
But yes! Jesus Christ is the only Saviour of the world! But Angelina Jolie is his co-redeemer!
ARLEQUIN
But she is surely not a goddess?
PIERROT
Our Lord is God and Our Lady is Goddess!
ARLEQUIN
Let us drink! Fill the cup to the brim with wine! Let's drink to the wine and the beautiful women!
PIERROT
We drink to the blood of Christ and the icon of divine beauty!
ARLEQUIN
Salute!
PIERROT
To God and Angelina Jolie! Ah woe! Woe, woe! How many enemies yet are cruel to me! What does the Lord say?
ARLEQUIN
Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you, bless those who curse you!
PIERROT
Is that all?
ARLEQUIN
That's all.

(A small boy of nine, Buffodontel, the Joker-God appears beautiful like a Greek demigod.)

PIERROT
Hey, Buffodontel my beloved, my son!
BUFFODONTEL
Daddy Pierrot!
PIERROT
Buffodontel, sing with me and bless the name of heavenly beauty!
BUFFODONTEL
Holy Mother!
PIERROT
Angelina Jolie, thou angel of beauty, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou angel of goodness, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou sun of mercy, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou merciful Mother, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou armor of mercy, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou dictator of mercy, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou Great Mother, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou Divine Mother, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou sacrament of motherly love of God, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou beam of the glory of the Lord, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou female face of the Father, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou guardian-angel of the universe, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou crown of creation, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou Venus-Star of Hope, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thou living Gospel, save us!
Angelina Jolie, thy name is sweet, thy name be praised!
BUFFODONTEL
Ah! I see, I see!
PIERROT
What do you see, my son? I command you: Talk about your vision!
BUFFODONTEL
I see the Immaculate Virgin appears in Mexico!
PIERROT
How does she look?
BUFFODONTEL
She appears in a red-hot Mandorla, which has the shape of an almond. She is wearing a white robe made of pure silk. A white veil is on her head. The long black hair swells out of her veil. With one hand praying spotless and with the other hand she blesses. Her pure white dress is slightly open, the left breast is visible. She is willing to let you suck on her breast and drink the milk of consolation!
PIERROT
In my mind I see the Immaculate Virgin! Oh, how beautiful She is! She is so beautiful that it hurts! Oh, how I love thee, Immaculate, how beautiful thou art! Thou art beautiful! I love thee!
BUFFODONTEL
Ah, I see, I see!
PIERROT
What dich you see, my son? I command you: Talk about your vision!
BUFFODONTEL
I see the Immaculate Virgin appears in the skies over New Zealand!
PIERROT
How does she look?
BUFFODONTEL
How am I supposed to find words?
PIERROT
Ave Gratiaplena!
BUFFODONTEL
Chaire kecharitomene!
PIERROT
Now tell me, my son!
BUFFODONTEL
I see a King-bearing Mahanaim, the nuptial bed of the sky! The Immaculate wears on the head a white blue veil. Her body is covered by a clean white sheet. Beside her in bed is her bridegroom. His face is like the face of the Man of Sorrows. On the bed are the words written: The Cross, beloved, is the way to the heavenly wedding!
PIERROT
So Our Lady has just appeared yet! Today is the feast day of her name! In her name, death is sweet!
BUFFODONTEL
But the Lord says, You shall no longer be called Angelina, I'll give you a new name, now is your name Saint Evangelina!
PIERROT
Come on, now we go into the streets of misery.